Following are few of the quotable quotes that I have come across in the first few days of my rejuvenated college life. No offence meant against anyone. And special thanks to all my friends who have helped me compile this.
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"My volume is very high, both in loudness and my size". Professor trying to explain that he has a loud voice as well as his build.
“One degree makes the difference.” Trying to explain the importance of the one step that makes the difference. Water at 212˚F is just water, but one more degree of temperature rise makes it steam and steam has the power to run a locomotive. I agree with this statement, but there is another controversial version I have heard. If I am trying to break a log, and it breaks on the 100th blow, it’s not the 100th one which did it, but the previous 99 blows which did it in. Anyways, not bad for a start.
“Duniya ka sab se bada rog, kya kahenge log!!” referring to the inferiority complex people have.
“Paalicy is paalicy”, referring in a typical Tamil accent what was told to him by his manager about the necessity of having an MBA degree in order to be due for the next promotion.
“Apna Punja…..ab!!” speaking in a typical Punjabi accent. On his way, he went on to draw comparisons between how a typical Punjabi and a typical Mallu differ in their behavior while buying a bike.
Pun jabi: “Vaddi gaddi honi chaiye!!”
Dlr: But a big vehicle will mean more cost.
P: “Koi gall nahin!!! But everything has to be big. Shock absorbers, tyres, headlamp everything. Everything should look enormous!!!”
Dlr: But a bigger wheel would mean more friction, and more fuel consumption. Which means more running costs.
P: “Arre, koi gall nahi!! Par gaddi vaddi honi chaiye!!”
A typical Mallu will react entirely differently to the same vehicle selection situation. He would have done a lot of research on the same before going to the dealership. A Mallu is as it is wearing πr2h.
A Mallu typically goes to a ‘koalage’ to zimbly gain ‘kNowlage’.!!!
Mallu in typical mallu accent: “With this 18” radius, how is this vehicle able to get so much of torque?? Please call your technical manager.”
Dlr: Sir please look at the vehicle first.
M: “No No!! Its oll mass produced!! I have seen on the road.”
He goes on to enquire all other details like EMI of finance option, and all other things and asks loads of questions, which atleast would frustrate the dealer and make him feel agonised!!
When the prof visited USA long back, he came across a person in the local transport who asked him, where he belonged to. When replied, “India”, he was asked “Do you speak Indian”
Prof: ” That was my first experience with American foolishness.”
In the early 70’s Americans had the image of Indians that they are all undernourished and hunger is prevalent all over the country. So when our prof first went there and was at the immigration counter, the lady at the counter asked him, “Are you hungry??”. Prof happily said, “No. I ate in the flight!!” He was greeted by a weird look. In retrospect, the prof realised that he had infact confirmed the suspicion of the Americans!!
Talking about Arabs, as the richest people in the world but having no real knowledge and skills. “The Sheikhs will donn Rolex watches worth lakhs of rupees. He will even have his hand movements in such a way as to show off. But if you ask him the time, he will still take out a digital clock from his pocket and tell you the time!! He does not know to read analog clock!!”
“Kerala survives only on tourism and gulf income. If you remove the gulf income, the GDP of Kerala is lesser than that of Manipur”, taking the Left Front to task for making scant development over the last few decades.
“West Bengal is Waste Bengal. People don’t know what they want and rulers don’t know how to rule. And because of the Communist Rule, there will be strike every second day, and the agenda for the strike will be decided later!!”
“Mujhe pain deejiye”, someone asking for a pen in a Marathi accent.
“You cannot show me your molars!!” to a student caught yawning in the class.
“I appreciate your compliments, but for God’s sake, I am not a machine!!”. Prof explaining his days in France where he had to undertake frequent tours to Portugal. Those days, Portuguese were totally against contraception and condoms were banned due to religious sentiments. As a result people used to smuggle these things from outside and Prof once incidentally happened to carry 800 pieces on one of his tour. His wife suspiciously asked him, “Honestly tell me, what your business is??”
“Exceptions are not examples!!”
4 comments:
LOL... some are really funny and good ones! :)
Seriously, they were LOL. "are you hungry?" was the best.
maamu, all are wonderful ... the last one though, really makes you think :)
The West does think of India that way!! Had a good laugh coz of the post! lol
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